RDP: The BSE Sandwich

Ragtag Daily Prompt: Sandwich

Way back when I was a Sandman in training and in Year 9 part of the curriculum was Home Economics which included cookery and Textiles lessons. Textiles taught us lads the essential sewing skills we would need to survive bachelorhood and what these essential lessons were turned out to be quite surprising. We were naturally expecting this to include how to sew a button on your shirt or on your trousers (which is tougher than one would think), repair tears and worn heams etc… It turned out that our ideas of essential textile needs were quite off.. The skills we needed were “how to make a pencil case”, “Make an apron”, and on one occasion make a Teddy Bear… That was pretty fun actually.

But Cookery was the one everyone enjoyed doing, and one of the themes we had running was “food that would be served at an event”. So my small group of pals whom were dubbed “The Three Musketeers” by the PE department settled one lesson to do a rather fantastic sandwich. I can’t recall who’s idea it was, possibly Big Nick’s, but the notion was put to the table make a Bacon, Sausage and Fried Egg sandwich with a slice of bread between each topping. This culinary delight we reasoned would be the cusine served at events by mobile vans installed with grills and gas rings to serve a variety of fried foods with appealing names such as Greasey Joe’s, Frying Tonight, and Fryer Tuck, with a market of middle aged men whose dietery ambitions were to achieve advanced stages of heart disease as early as possible. We all thought this was an excellent notion and set our sights on the following lesson, making the cookery room had sufficent frying pans to tend our gourmet ambition. It is curious that our Cookery Teacher did not draw a line under this and tell us to do something quite different but I strongly suspect that she was far more interested in the more truely gastronomically inclined students and nurturing them in to a position to be able to charge twenty pounds for a meal that would barely cover a side plate.

The following lesson came around quickly and were arrived prepped with our Eggs, Sausages, Bacon, Bread, and cooking oil ready to make our first splash at being the cook of a greasy spoon café. This is where a few valuable lessons were learnt, Three guys standing around a small stove frying various items is a recipe for disaster, especially considering we were in that middle phase of adolescence where we are not quite as good as controling our gangly limps as we thought we were. We all got burnt, mildly, by spitting bits of fat and we soon realised that it would have been a far more sensible approach to grill the Bacon and the Sausages and make the eggs the only item to be fried. Once  the meat was cooked and the carbon scraped off the sausages we assembled our culinary delights and proceed to devour them after a quick marinade in HP’s finest brown sauce. The second problem arrived here, which was what should be referred to as the “Big Mac Factor”, the moment we bit into our glorious triple decker, a load of it fell out the other end and made an satisfying plop as it landed on our plates. Since we were not ones to stumble at the first sign of defeat we improvised a new battle plan: we would slice the sausages down the middle so they wouldn’t roll out. We finished our sandwiches and decided it was fortunate that our next lesson was PE as we now would have to burn off this sandwich. It was upon that day we made a vow between the three of us to never attempt such an escapade or indulge in such coronary inducing sandwiches ever again.

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